Wednesday, September 8, 2010

On Social Darwinism

Have you ever looked at a group of people and wondered why they existed?  I don't mean some existential pondering bullshit.  I mean people that have no value as human beings.  People that should be wiped from the face of the earth in order to save the future generations from their overall failure.  Before you start calling me a racist or an extremist of some type, I'm not targeting a specific race, creed, gender or whatever, I'm talking about idiots.  I'm pretty sure you've encountered these people before, and if you're like me, you've wondered what should be done about it.  Now my solution would be genocide.  To put it simply, there's nothing faster and less troublesome.  Obviously education didn't work, and imprisonment would just drain your resources, so you might as well dispose of them.  At the very least the corpses of those worthless individuals can support the crops that'll feed the significantly less retarded.  

But let's be a little compassionate here;  I'd hate to offend my more liberal readers, so let's give a few "less extreme" solutions to these societal failures.  1) Slavery.  Okay, I don't want to get labeled as some kind of backwards extremist, but it's not like slavery was started in the US.  People have been practicing slavery for a long freaking time.  DEAL WITH IT.  Now, the problem with enslaving idiots is that they weren't able to do things properly when they were free, it's not like they'll do any better when enslaved.  In all probability, their performance would just decline.  This bring us to option 2: Corporeal Punishment.  We should just beat the crap out of these people.  I for one am strongly supportive of this idea.  Threats of physical harm always promote a better work ethic and vastly increase the units that an individual may produce.  Actually beating the shit out of these people make sure that they know you're not bluffing.  But let's think about all these solutions for a moment.  Having 5 billion idiots under your control still leaves you with 5 billion idiots to take care of.  The problem hasn't been solved, simply covered up.  This doesn't mean that we should go with Plan A and annihilate them all.  That would take a significant amount of work and I'd rather not get another mean cramp in my leg from thousands upon thousands of Norris style kicks that I'd have to throw.  So let's look at another, less immediate solution, Population Control and Eugenics.  Genetic engineering has given us the keys to God's tool shed.  We've been screwing with DNA ever since we figured out that having two fat-ass cows hump the crap out of each other usually produces a fat-ass calf.  By that logic, having two stupid-fucks hump the crap out of each other usually produces a stupid-fuck.  Now whether this is caused by genetics or upbringing is debatable, but I'd rather not risk increasing the number of stupid-fucks.  So how do we deal with these individuals?  Sterilization.  We castrate all stupid men and falcon punch all stupid women.  They're free to waste their lives and hump each other till Doomsday without ever creating another terrible waste on the world's scarce resources.  There you go nature-lovers, I just stopped one of the biggest causes of global warming.  You can send me my nobel prize in the mail.

So now that I've single-handedly stopped global warming and saved much of the world from stupidity, I'm forced to deal with the reality that the vast majority of idiots don't want to have their balls chopped off or have their uterus' pulverized into deep space with a pseudo-god like punch.  So I'm left with a conundrum best worded by my internet counterparts: "wat do?"  Since most of these idiots would resort to violence (they don't know much else), we'd have to find some other way to control their means of perpetuation.  Even though I'd like to go out there and deliver all the crotch kicks and falcon punches I could, I'd probably find myself in prison before I could finish kicking and punching 90% of the US population.  So let's go with an even more lenient idea, Licensed Parenting.  Think about this for a moment.  You need a license to drive a car, you need a license to teach, hell, you need a license to dig cesspools, but apparently you don't need one to raise a child.  This is grade-A retarded bull shit.   Steering the course of a child's development is shit tons more important than steering the wheel of a single, stupid car.  Allowing idiots to run around willy-nilly, teaching kids stupid shit and ruining lives is the equivalent of driving an 18-wheeler through a school during recess.  

It's not as if the process even has to be that difficult.  Just a series of tests and evaluations and a few parenting classes.  These people should at the very least show some kind of competence for raising children.  Think of how many cases of child abuse we could potentially rectify.  Imagine the vast improvement to test scores and the overall skill level of American workers.  Mental and emotional health would improve, we'd be smarter, kinder and more prepared to handle the world of tomorrow.  But, I guess people just aren't ready to be better parents.  People prefer that parenting stay free so that we can have parents raise incompetent fucks.  I guess society as a whole doesn't want to get rid of child abuse or rape or domestic violence.  I guess giving rights to shit heads is better than saving kids from the horrors that no one should ever have to face.  I GUESS THAT THIS SOCIETY IS FULL OF A BUNCH OF STUPID FUCKS THAT NEED TO BE ERASED FROM EXISTENCE.  But if you don't think so, you're welcome to disagree.


  1. I support the daily big-rig through a kindergarden argument.
    Only the fastest, smartest kids will dodge the daily big rig, eventually giving us the master race of 18 wheeler dodging kids. Glorious

  2. Meritocracy is the way to go, imo. Keeping everyone in the middle for the sake of not hurting feelings doesn't accomplish anything tangible.

  3. Quite an interesting read, buddy.

  4. i totally agree that there are more than a few people who lead pointless existences. but its illegal to weed them out. oh well, supporting the cause bro